“Sex pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken.” —Simone de Beauvoir
A lot of men seem to think that the one sure-fire way to bring their lover to orgasm is by performing cunnilingus. It seems so easy! All you have to do is lick her clitoris, right? Wrong! Good oral sex is a delicate balance between technique and timing. You can certainly learn the technique, but the timing is a little more difficult.
We’ll start with the easy part, technique. Although there are many different ways to perform cunnilingus, your partner’s preferences will vary wildly. Try several techniques to see what she likes, and then vary them to see what works best for her.
The same as with a kiss, a mushy tongue is unappealing to a woman receiving cunnilingus. Use your tongue as a muscle, concentrating your action on the tip of it. Flick her clitoris with a short, concentrated motion, varying your motions from time to time with longer strokes. This technique gives her quick jolts of pleasure mixed with brief moments of no stimulation, and then intense stimulation. You’ll be teasing her, increasing her sexual arousal and helping her build toward climax.
Many people don’t realize that the area around the clitoris is also very sensitive. Again, use your tongue as a muscle and lightly trace the area around her clitoris with the just the tip of your tongue. Don’t get mushy! After you move around the area for a little bit, focus on licking small circles directly on her clitoris. Then go back to licking the area around it, as well as the rest of her labia and her vagina. Then move back to the clitoris. By concentrating the motion in small, tight circles and breaking up the action, you’ll soon have her revved up and ready for orgasm.
Although not every woman likes this, those who do seem to love it. The idea is to flick your tongue in a sharp, quick pattern directly on her clitoris. It takes a little practice, but it’s well worth the effort. You won’t want to use this technique the entire time; mix it up with licking and the rotating tongue.
Tonguing the Alphabet
Another exciting variation to licking is tonguing the alphabet on her clitoris. Don’t tell her what you’re doing, or she might start giggling! Starting with A and ending with Z, cover the entire alphabet, and then start again. Repeat as necessary. This varied pattern will keep her body guessing about what’s going to happen next, tantalizing her. As she nears orgasm, focus on short, sharp licks. Variation is good at the beginning and middle, but at the end, she’ll probably want the same good technique until she climaxes.
Many women enjoy being on top during cunnilingus. If that’s your partner’s preference, get comfy on the bed with your head on a pillow. Have her straddle your face with a knee on each side of your head and gently lower herself until she’s in reach. As you try different techniques, she’ll probably move above you, giving you clues about where to lick next. Follow her lead, and she’ll explode.
Timing Really is Everything
As I said earlier, the trickiest part of giving your partner satisfying oral sex is the timing. Your woman has probably used her hands to pleasure herself for years, and she knows what she likes. Unlike penetration, your tongue is a close approximation of her fingers, so your chances are 50-50 that you’ll either make her think of how she can do it better, or replicate her own technique, but better. The difference lies in paying attention to what you’re doing and following her clues, whether she speaks them aloud or shows you with her body.
Another thing to remember is that for many different reasons, not all women like receiving oral sex. It’s a very personal love act, and it might not always be the right time for her. She could feel dirty, embarrassed or pressured to fake an orgasm so that you won’t have to keep giving her selfless love. The best way to cope with these negative feelings is to talk about them beforehand. Make sure she understands that what you most want to do is give her pleasure. If she doesn’t have an orgasm, oral sex still feels great!