How to talk to your partner about...
“Sex is more than an act of pleasure… it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them.”
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Communication is the best sexual technique a man can have. Once you’ve learned how to talk with your partner and truly listen to what she says, you’re well on your way to enriching your sex life and helping her experience powerful orgasms during sex.
Some subjects, though, can be difficult to broach, especially when there’s the potential for embarrassment, confusion or hurt feelings, as is often the case when a couple tries to discuss the sexual aspects of their relationship. But you’ll find that if you approach these subjects tactfully and with sensitivity, you and your partner may learn a great deal about one another, even if you’ve been married for 25 years.
What She Likes
It can be terribly frustrating when you make love to your lady and she doesn’t experience an orgasm. You’re trying your best, but it still isn’t happening. You’ve asked her what she likes, but she’s to shy, embarrassed or nervous to tell you. What’s a man to do?
The key to getting your partner to open up about what she needs is discussing it in a comfortable, non-sexual environment. If you bring it up in bed, when you’re already engaged in love play, she might feel pressured or uncomfortable telling you what feels good. Instead, try talking to her over a romantic dinner you’ve cooked for her.
Approach the subject carefully, and start by telling her how much you love her and want to please her. Let the conversation unfold naturally—don’t demand she reveal her secret desires to you. Encourage her to tell you what she likes about making love to you, perhaps by first telling her what she does that you particularly enjoy.
Toward the end of the conversation, develop a signal she can give you during sex that tells you when you’re doing something that feels especially good. As you incorporate this signal into your lovemaking, she’ll begin to feel more comfortable telling you what she wants.
Up until fairly recently, masturbation was a taboo topic for discussion. Everyone knew men did it, and all women denied having ever tried it. Now that our sexual mores have relaxed, talking about natural sexual impulses has become more common, even subjects that were formerly taboo.
If you’d like to help your partner achieve orgasms during sex, it’s helpful to know what works for her when she’s masturbating. She might deny that she masturbates or feel too embarrassed to discuss it, but if you initiate an open, honest, diplomatic conversation on the subject, she may share some of her secrets with you.
If your partner enjoys reading erotica while she’s masturbating, ask if she’ll share a book with you that she particularly enjoys. Take turns reading to each other; when she’s relaxed and aroused, suggest she show you what she likes. If she says she’s too embarrassed, suggest she snuggle under a blanket while you read to her, and then slowly remove the blanket until you can see what pleases her best.
For most men, anal sex is the ultimate fantasy, but not many women feel the same way. Although it’s possible to introduce new activities during your sex play, do not do this with anal sex! If you’d like to try it, you must first discuss it with your partner, or she’ll never forgive you.
Approach the subject casually while you’re enjoying some private, romantic time, such as watching a movie at home or enjoying a home-cooked dinner together. Explain that it’s something you’ve always wanted to try with her ask if she’d consider trying it once, just to see if she likes it. She might object vigorously at first, but be patient and give her time to absorb the information, possibly a couple of days. She might surprise you!
Good Communication Makes for Good Loving
The key to discussing these topics—or anything else you’d like to try in bed—is open, honest communication. If your lady feels as if you’re trying to strong-arm or manipulate her, your negotiations will go nowhere. She might even draw away from you. Avoid these pitfalls by expressing what is in your heart, and encourage her to do the same. If she feels that you really love, cherish and understand her, your relationship could explode with passion.