Archive for March, 2008
The Worst Enemy in Bed: Performance Anxiety
Performance anxiety is commonly misinterpreted as “stage fright”, but there is a reason for it. It has been stated, that “the whole world is a stage” and we are willing or unwilling participants in it. Performing artists like musicians, singers, actors and speakers have faced this enemy during their careers and braved them one way or another.
But this enemy is very common in human relationships too and particularly ferocious when it comes to sex. Men face this enemy every time they are about to have sex and there is one reason which makes this anxiety almost unbearable: will I last long enough to satisfy my partner?
How to Make Sure You Don’t Orgasm Before She Does
1. Prolong the foreplay.
Instead of plowing away once the sex really gets going, take your time to caress your partner and explore her body with your other extremities. While the male organ seems to be the only arousal point on a man’s body, women have these sensitive areas all over the place.
Her reaction to your probing will give you a fairly good idea where they are. While she approaches ecstasy with your every successful exploration, you not only learn your partner’s secret areas, but also preserve your own stamina for the final battle.
2. Encourage her to speak up and tell you what turns her on.
Conversation is a very important part of the whole sexual experience. This time though, you want to encourage her to tell you what REALLY turns her on. Clever sexual innuendos during pre-sex time and gentle inquiries during sex not only give you vital information, but stimulate your partner’s fantasy, which makes her hornier, which makes her reach her orgasm faster! Just before you reach your own…
3. Oral sex
Spicing things up by pleasuring or “heating up” your partner with oral stimulation gives you time to breath. While orally satisfying a woman is requiring a keen ear to your partner’s needs and leads, it may be the last resort for your premature curtain call. It is not a solution to “take a break” during sex. While it may help you, you probably will have to start with your partner from square one. Switching to oral sex gives you the needed break without interrupting your partner’s pleasure cruise.
4. Know your own body.
Japanese Geisha’s are known to be able to bring a man to ecstasy without having him prematurely end the fun. If they can do that, you can too IF you know your own body.
Knowing your body’s primary arousal points can help you last longer if you avoid… for now. Another trick is to squeeze the base of your shaft right before the Big Ben strikes ten on the top and the bottom side. If you do it right, it stops you cold.
A good physical condition is also helpful in enduring the physical task of keeping it up longer; do not underestimate your muscles’ participation in your endurance quest. Ask your partner to assist you in this self-discovery and sex will never get boring.
5. An honest and open relationship.
Tell your partner about your anxiety and let her know that you want to last longer to give her more pleasure. While this is most of the time not possible when you are in bed for the first time with a new partner, once you are an item and sex gets to be a somewhat regular pastime, honesty is the way to go.
6. If it all fails, do it again!
Leonardo Da Vinci’s first painting was not the Mona Lisa and even when he was painting the masterpiece he did not get it right the first time. Multiple layers have been discovered by x-ray technology procedures, documenting that even the Master himself needed several tries to get it right.
By exploring your own limits and practicing as often as you both feel like will lead to more confidence, more pleasure, more mutual acceptance and trust, and ultimately more endurance and better sex for both of you.
To Learn More Proven and Fun Techniques to Last Longer in Bed, Click Here…
Watch Her Engaging in “Self Love”!
A woman masturbating in front of her partner is a predominantly male fantasy. Women tend to enjoy interacting with their partners when they are together and then play with herself alone.
For all possible reasons, be it mere curiosity, adolescent associations, voyeuristic tendencies, or something else altogether, this fantasy to watch a woman masturbate has strong appeal to men of all ages. So why keep it a fantasy?
Ways to Persuade Her to Engage in ‘Self-Love’ Right Before Your Eyes
First and the most important factor that will eventually lead towards fulfilling your fantasy is trust. Your partner has to trust you. If she trusts you, it’s amazing how easy it can be to accomplish this goal.
It may be as simple as asking her to do it. But more often than not, you need to build on the trust between you first, and this may take some time. Some women are so dependent on their men, they would almost instantly do anything to please him. Other women will never do a single thing that makes them uncomfortable, no matter how much they love their partners. Therefore, one of the goals here would be to make your woman feel comfortable enough to succumb to playing out this fantasy of yours.
To convince her to do it for the first time is a problem, because how do you tell her what you want in a proper and non-demeaning way? An honest relationship allows you to approach your partner with all your needs and desires, so simply explaining to her this fantasy you harbor would be a good start. If she is reluctant, offer to do it first.
Ask your partner to sit down, fully clothed and have her watch you masturbate. Do not allow her to interact, just allow her to watch.
Perhaps it would help if you offer her to role-play. The story would go something like this: she is alone at home, in bed, reading. You are a burglar who got surprised by her early return and who is hiding in the closet. She can then pretend that nobody is home and have a go at herself, while you are in the closet ogling your eyes out.
Also, be careful of being misunderstood by your request to watch her masturbate. Think of it from her point of view: she is present, ready and willing to have sex with you… and you prefer to just watch and not engage with her?
Unless you really explain why you want to do it this way, she’ll figure you’re a pervert. You, on the other hand, will have a hard time staying put. At some point the pressure in your pants will go berserk, so calculate that occurrence when you propose to do a purely voyeuristic encounter.
Why Masturbation is Good for Your Relationship
Why is it important to go through with such a fantasy? This is because it is healthy for your relationship to live out all your sexual fantasies together with your partner.
If you don’t talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies and you leave them simmering in the back of your head, some day you will get a feeling as if you are missing out on something. Such desires can get very strong and ultimately ruin a good relationship.
The solution is to speak out about it. Women are smart, but they cannot read minds, again unless you are married to her for a decade or so. Actually, this advice to speak out about your sexual fantasies goes both ways. You need to ask her about her fantasies and reciprocate by fulfilling her desires too.
A very young relationship, where you have been together with a woman for a couple of days, or maybe weeks, is frail and asking your girlfriend to perform for you is a risk. However, if you are honest and able to properly define your reasons for asking such a thing, she may do it. And even if she doesn’t this should be fine with you.
There is plenty of time to get back to that idea later. An icebreaker may be to propose to masturbate simultaneously, watching each other. This may also be a solution in case she is reluctant to have real sex.
On the other hand, a mature relationship, perhaps a yearlong marriage, does very little to promote variety and sex is mostly a matter of catching a mutually convenient and physically possible moment to get intimate.
To waste that moment on a fantasy may seem ludicrous to you, but believe me that a change in the routine may be a very welcome surprise to your love life. It is always good to be creative and imaginative with your partner, so that she feels wanted, desirable, sexy and beautiful. After years of marriage, sometimes that validation is more important to a woman then having sex. So really, asking her to masturbate in front of you may be something she’s secretly delighted with!
5 Steps To Watch Porn With Your Partner!
Why is it that watching porn is such a guilty pleasure? You like watching it and it excites you but at the same time you have this nagging feeling that you’re doing something wrong. Well, change your mindset because watching porn can actually be good for you and your relationship with your partner!
Here’s Why Porn is So Good for You…
Sex Therapy. We have many hang ups when it comes to sex and sometimes, you may want to try something new and exciting that you just can’t even mention to your lover for fear of being ridiculed and rejected. By watching porn, you simply get rid of this naughty thought out of your system. True, it may not be the same as performing the sex position or sex idea yourself, but at least you get to ‘live it’ in a different way. As a result, it’s no longer a constantly nagging thought in your head.
Sex Education. Despite what you may want to believe, you’re probably not the hot stud you think of yourself between the sheets. You often hear it said that men do not know how to pleasure women, right? Well then, grab a couple of porn videos and see for yourself just how these hot studs pleasure their women in front of the camera… for hours! I guarantee, after just watching a couple of porn videos, you’ll walk away with tips to pleasure her like never before. You bet you’ll score a lot of sex points with that!
Sex Drive Overload. Is your relationship reaching a certain sexual plateau? This is normal. The trick, however, is not to let this plateau stretch for ages because if you do, you’ll wake up one fine day and wonder why you and your partner hardly ever have sex anymore. A healthy, sexual relationship is a work in progress. Do your share in keeping the sex alive by constantly finding hot, new, sexy ways to make love. And one sure-fire way of achieving this is to… yes, watch porn!
Go Ahead… Watch Porn Tonight!
Step 1. If you want to watch porn with your partner tonight, keep in mind that the worse thing you can do is spring a surprise on her! What you should do is sort of set the stage so your sex partner is more willing to watch porn with you. How? First, start with foreplay. You can do this days in advance or just at the start of the day when you plan to watch porn together. Simply do things that increase the sexual tension between you like touching her ‘inappropriately’ or sending a dirty joke or dirty short story to her mobile phone or email.
Step 2. Rent a porn video. You can watch porn online or you may even have a subscription to a porn channel but these are often just snippets of porn. If you rent a porn video, then this may revolve around a ‘story’ and women love that! Because it’s presented as a ‘love story’, your lover will be less against watching the actual porn stuff.
Also, be sure to pick a porn video that’s not too wild for her. For instance, if you know she’s dead set against certain sex positions or bondage, this is NOT the time to try and persuade her to trying it. Remember, small steps…
Step 3. Before you watch the porn video together, make sure other elements at home are set up right as well. For instance, dim the lights, light some candles. If you have kids, make sure they’re spending the night with their grandparents. In short, make sure that there’s nothing that will hinder you guys watching porn tonight.
Step 4. Watching porn obviously makes the watchers horny and don’t be shy in communicating that that’s exactly what you’re feeling while she’s beside you. Just be subtle. No need to grab her; just make small innuendos like rubbing your front or trying to graze her breast. Trust me, she’ll get the idea.
Step 5. Lastly, be prepared with protection. Nothing can be more annoying than finding yourselves wanting to have sex… and can’t.
Watching porn is not bad. It’s just something that society finds quite hard to grasp. But if it’s working wonders for YOUR sex life, why fight it? Instead, use it! It’s better to have a striving sex life than not to have one at all.
Click here to download Gabrielle Moore’s FREE Report About The G-Spot Orgasm
