From discovering your own hotspots (and sharing them with your mate) to lasting longer in the sack, self-fondling can be incredibly self-rewarding, not to mention fantastic for your other half. Do it alone behind closed doors or out in the open in front of your wife – both ways are satisfying, sexy and healthy. So here are some ways masturbation can improve your sex life.

Self-exploration

Nothing is more gratifying than learning more about your own body and what makes you tick. It’s a common and beneficial way to figure out what it is you do like (and maybe what you don’t like). This form of self-discovery will make everything from foreplay to sex that much more enjoyable.

Just make sure you pass this learned info on to your spouse – sure, it’s great to get yourself off but it will be ten times more passionate if you tell your wife what to do (and she does it, and you have a mind-blowing orgasm…)

Last longer

Very often, guys who masturbate frequently are able to maintain their erections and delay ejaculation for a longer period of time. This goes back to my first point – when you masturbate on a regular basis, you learn about your body and you become more in-tune with your biological reactions. Once you really familiarize yourself with the sensations that occur during sex, you can actually teach yourself how to hold off – you’ll start to recognize the triggers and you can then find new ways to fend off your impulses and hence, last longer.

I was dating this guy for a few months who could go forever in bed (the anti-minute-man). But, as we started spending “everyday” time together, we also started to learn more about each other… and it didn’t take me long to figure out that in addition to shaving and washing in the shower every morning, he was also choking the monkey. And let me tell you – to this day he was the only guy I was ever intimate with who had complete control of his load – it made oral and conventional sex fantastic!

Keep the balance

It’s rare for people who have been in long-term relationships to always be “in the mood” at the same time – maybe you’d be happy with sex five times a week but she’s only interested in it once or twice. Well, masturbation can be a great “filler” for those dry spells. Keep yourself satisfied (and balanced) by taking things into your own hands (literally). You don’t always need her and she doesn’t always need you.

Two-sided

While women and masturbating is a topic that isn’t as faux pas as it once was, there are still a lot of ladies who feel embarrassment, shame, or even humility when it comes to openly discussing their self-pleasuring. So let your partner know that you’re not only okay with it but encourage her to explore and share her findings as well.

Yours forever,

Gabrielle Moore

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Some say diamonds are a girl’s best friend… others say it’s the vibrator. And having owned my fair share of gyrating toys, I can tell you that they really can be a major turn-on, which is why every man should know how to properly use one on a woman. The wrong technique can make a pleasurable sensation immediately uncomfortable. It’s also important to know how to use the right combination of moves in order to maximize excitement. Trust me – practice makes perfect, and I know all the ins and outs to using a vibrator (pun intended).

Back and forth
The best tried-and-true vibrator technique: the back-and-forth groove. It will get her juices flowing and everything down there stimulated. I’ve been known to have actual orgasms from this simple movement (going at it solo and with a mate). Start slowly and then speed things up. Vary your speeds according to her reactions (some like it slow, others like it fast). Use the tip of the toy as well as glide the shaft of the tool up and down her entire lower area.

Circular motions
Go from a straight back-and-forth vibrator technique to making circles. Use the tip of the toy to trace circles near the top of her nether regions and then slowly make your way down to her vagina (and then stop there – any contact with her anus or surrounding areas could pass germs on to the vibrator). Again, don’t be afraid to experiment with soft, slow patterns and then quicker circles.

The infamous Figure 8
I’ve talked about this technique when it comes to fingering a woman, and I get into the endless benefits of the Figure 8 in my book on foreplay – and it shouldn’t be overlooked when playing with a vibrator either. The titillating sensation of swirling the toy around her clitoris as well as her vagina will have her begging you for more. As you’re exploring, stop on any “hotspots” that seem to get her overly excited.

A little teasing
Resist the urge (and her begging) and don’t insert the vibrator right away. Although we really want it, the art of building momentum is even more stimulating, and when you do finally penetrate her (with the toy or your throbbing manhood), her screams will crack glass. Let the tip of the vibrator hover over the opening of her vagina. Keep things heightened by adding a few back and forth movements or that fabulous Figure 8 and then bring the toy back to her vagina. I promise – her toes will curl!

Slow insertion
Once you finally decide to put the vibrator inside of her, use very slow, gentle movements. Because some vibrators are made of a solid material, don’t yank the toy up – it will hit her pelvic bone and be an instant buzz-kill.

Switching things up
Play with a variety of the aforementioned vibrator techniques to achieve maximum pleasure with this gizmo – start with circular motions that gradually make their way to her vagina, insert it slowly only to withdraw and return to the circular movements. After all, vibrators are a toy – you should have fun with them!

Much love,

Gabrielle Moore

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Domination can have a lot of meanings when it comes to game-play in the bedroom – it can be everything from blindfolding your partner to breaking out the whips, chains, and ball-gags. Almost all of my female friends agree (including moi): nothing is more of a turn-on than being dominated. It’s a primal urge that all of us seek to fulfill at some point in our sex lives, and when you’re involved with someone where trust is involved, it can be extremely exciting and satisfying.

Don’t take a woman home for a one-night stand and think you can get away with handcuffing her – trust me, she’ll be dialing “911″ faster than you can do up your pants! The game of domination is for couples only – without trust, neither party will be able to fully enjoy being dominated.

If you and your partner want to engage in some domination play, then heed the advice below.

Start slowly
If dominating your spouse is one of your fantasies, then broach the topic carefully and ease your way in. What I mean is, start with some light domination, such as tying her up, the aforementioned blindfolding, or some light spanking. Save the latex and paddles for a few weeks down the road.

I went home with a guy who had an entire closet of domination toys… he thought it would be a good idea to show off his collection, and he quickly attempted to backtrack as I redressed and headed for the door. It’s a shame – he would have been a great lay, but he’d come on way too strong too fast. Even if you’ve been married for years, approaching the topic of domination should be done gradually and with sensitivity.

Take turns
Some couples prefer to always let the man be the dominator and the woman be the dominee, or vice versa, but for the most part, I think everyone has fantasies to be both. So take turns! Let her control you one night and then have a turn of your own the next time.

Speak up!
One of the most exciting parts of domination games is the vocalizing – ask her if she wants to be spanked, tell her what you’re going to do to her, ask her to tell you what she likes. If you’re busy pleasuring her while she’s wearing a blindfold and you’re both on mute, it won’t be very exciting. This is the time to choose your (dirty) words and get talking.

Playtime
Toys for the game of domination can range from fun and silly to extreme and hardcore. They all have their place in the bedroom when introduced in the right way. These are the types of toys you should pick out together. I love going to a sex shop with a guy – it’s like foreplay. Secondly, you don’t want to bring home a spiked collar and leash when your wife had more of a feather tickler in mind – seek out toys that you are both comfortable with. Finally, never surprise your other half with a sex toy – an unexpected whip-lashing on the bottom will not be well-received.

MWAH!

Gabrielle Moore

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You know what I hate? When a guy gets all groper-like and sloppy on my breasts. They act like they’ve never seen a fantastic set of hooters and begin drooling like a hungry puppy all over my, well, puppies. Grabbing our breasts, thrusting them together, and tweaking or turning our nipples like radio dials is not arousing. Like our sensitive (and complicated) nether regions, our breasts can be stimulated in a wide range of ways, they have different pressure points that create a variety of sensations, and if you don’t put a little effort into what you’re doing, your partner won’t react well.

There are certain breast stimulation techniques that work well on smaller ladies, and others that are effective for the big girls (I’m talking about boobs, not the actual woman). By using the right ones you can bring your partner to orgasm just by touching, rubbing, and even suckling her breasts.

A gentle brush
During foreplay, begin by lightly brushing your fingertips or hand over her breasts and nipples. Let the delicate skin-on-skin contact send shivers down her entire body. Don’t just focus on her chest but let your hands move down past her breasts to her stomach and legs, and then zero in on her chest area once again. Keep her in anticipation of when you’ll fondle her breasts next.

Slow massage
Rubbing or cupping her breasts in your hands, either during foreplay or intercourse, can be a huge turn-on. I especially love when I’m on top during sex and the guy gently holds my breasts so they bounce in and out of the palms of his hands. The intimate touching is wildly exciting.

Tongue titillation
Your tongue is a powerful tool, so be sure to give her breasts some warm, wet tongue play. Use your tongue to tickle the tips of her nipples or circle around the areola (the coloured outside area of her nipples). Just think about how amazing it feels when we use our tongues to titillate your throbbing penis and you’ll understand how pleasurable it is when you use a similar breast stimulation technique on us.

Lip service
Work your way up from using your tongue to getting your entire mouth in on the action. If she’s smaller you can use your lips to softly suckle on one of her breasts. And regardless of the size, a delicate nipple-nuzzle with your lips will immediately make her wet.

The hand-mouth combo
If there’s one thing I’m always reminding you of, it’s this: don’t stick to one thing. Sure, it might feel good to have you massage one of our breasts while engaging in sex, but keeping things varied will be even more satisfying.

So when you’re using different breast stimulation techniques, switch things up – use your hands at first and then move on to some oral teasing. Work one breast with your tongue and another with your fingers. Keep her on her toes (or, if you both have a foot fetish, invite them to the sex party!). Variety is always the spice of life.

Hugs,

Gabrielle Moore

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Ahhh oral sex – is there anything better?

Hmmm, let me rephrase…

Ahhh good oral sex – is there anything better? The answer is no! A chick who is great at sucking is definitely a keeper, and we ladies feel the same way – when a guy knows how to make our toes curl, you can pretty much guarantee we’re highlighted his name in our little black books.

Great oral sex isn’t only about the techniques that you use with your mouth and tongue – it’s also about the way in which you’re situated. If your other half is in an uncomfortable position, she won’t enjoy all your hard work, and the same is true for you. However, there are certain configurations that can really help to optimize your pleasure, and in typical Gabrielle form, I’m here to fill you in on the best oral sex positions.

Believe it or not, even oral sex can get “mundane” if you’re sticking to just one position, so think outside the box (no pun intended) – a new yet simple angle can add tons of excitement to your oral arsenal.

The classic 69
Tried-and-true and oh-so-good, the 69 position is ideal because it allows the both of you to experience great oral stimulation. Lying down horizontally, situate yourselves so that you’re crotch-to-mouth. It’s better for you if you’re on top so she can have access to everything, if you catch my drift.

You kneel
By kneeling on the bed you allow your partner easier access to your manhood. You can also have her lie down on her back and you can kneel over her, basically straddling her face – it’s a super hot position for oral sex and one of my personal favorites.

She kneels
Have your spouse do the same thing and kneel over you – you’ll have the perfect full frontal view while you pleasure her, and it will allow you to explore her front-to-back.

She’s on top
Get comfortable while you lie down on your back on the bed or the floor and let your other half crawl on top of you and get busy. If it’s something you’re both comfortable with, feel free to use your hands to guide her head as she moves up and down your shaft. And be sure to make lots of yummy noises so she knows that you’re enjoying what she’s doing to her – nothing is hotter!

Sitting
Quite often oral sex is actually easier when the “pleasuree” is sitting on a chair or the edge of a bed – if you’re sitting she can kneel on the floor in front of you and do her dirty duty, and if she spreads them while sitting upright in a chair or while she’s lying on a bed or couch, you’ll have easy access to get in there and make her toes curl.

Have a great week!

Gabrielle Moore

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And what a motion good sex can be! We’ve already discussed the benefits of a few positions where you get to be on top, but most couples agree that some of the most pleasurable sex they’ve shared has been when the woman is on top.

I like being in control – I know what feels good, so I enjoy being able to control the angle, speed, and techniques by riding a guy (and I’d have to say I don’t think those men have minded either!). When she’s on top, she can discover certain positions that stimulate her G-spot and/or her clitoris which, in turn, will inevitably get you off too.

So here are the best “she’s on top” positions to explore and enjoy with your partner.

Cowgirl
The most tried-and-true girl-on-top configurations, the cowgirl has lots of variations and provides almost instant satisfaction. She can sit facing you and gently move up and down, you can have her lie down on your chest with her knees bent alongside you – a very intimate and hot position, or she can lean back and put her hands behind her and then spread her legs as wide as possible – this is a major G-spot stimulator!

Help to guide her by placing your hands on her hips. Encourage her to do a circular motion (similar to what Cosmo refers to as a “hula” motion) so that you’re rubbing against every nook and cranny of her nether regions.

Giddyup!

Reverse cowgirl
By simply turning our backs to you, we’re given a whole new set of pleasure points. I’m a big advocate of this she’s-on-top position – the reverse cowgirl allows for deep, straight-on penetration while she sits upright on top of you, and if you’re an ass guy you’ll love the view.

Instead of keeping your legs slightly parted, try straightening your legs instead for a new sensation.

YEEHAW!

Kneeling version of reverse cowgirl
Somewhat like doggy-style, she kneels over you while facing the opposite direction and thrusts into you. Nothing will excite you more than feeling yourself gliding in and out of her, rubbing her G-spot with each movement.

If she’s up to it (which I always am), grab and even spank her ass while she rides you.

Sitting
If I’m experiencing real sexual energy with a guy, I love this intimate she’s-on-top position. With her back to you, she’ll crouch down on her feet and lower herself into your lap while you’re sitting up. The close skin-on-skin contact of your body against hers will be a huge turn-on (pun intended), and you can keep your hands busy by caressing her breasts or stimulating her clitoris while she moves up and down on top of you.

Thigh Master
Not to go Cosmo-crazy, but I found this position in their magazine awhile back and have used it many times – much to me and my partners’ delight! You lie on your back and bend one leg. She mounts you reverse-cowgirl style and straddles you sideways, with your bent knee between her legs – this gives her something to help her balance as well as use for leverage.

Yours always,

Gabrielle Moore

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Zsa Zsa was exaggerating (kinda)… your sex life can be just as exciting once you’re married as long as you keep things fresh and new in the bedroom. Nothing can kill your libido like redundancy, and one of the best (not to mention fun) ways to spice things up is by engaging in some fanciful role-playing.

There are all kinds of role-playing games out there – some only require your creativity and others entail costumes and props – you can get as wild as you want. Getting into character is all about fantasy, so sky’s the limit.

I present to you, my little pupils, my favorite role-playing games.

Victim/rescuer
It sounds super cliche, but this is a fun one – you could be the fireman and she could be the damsel in distress in the burning building, you could be the lifeguard and she could be the beautiful drowning victim, you could play the cowboy and she could be the sexy cowgirl who needs to be saved from the big, bad town bully… you can don outfits and use props (like lassos) or leave everything to your imagination. Women love to feel like they’re being “saved” by a big, strong man – it’s the classic fantasy. Pick her up and sweep her off to the bedroom, give her mouth-to-mouth to revive her – save her from sexual stagnation for heaven’s sake!

Doctor/patient
I was seeing a guy who was an actual doctor, so it was relatively easy to carry out this role-playing game – he was quite cocky and loved the fact that he was a physician (he also loved it when I’d call him “Doc”), and I didn’t mind letting him explore my body for a “check up.” I especially loved when he gave me a breast exam “for good measure.”

I don’t know what it is about this fantasy but it’s super hot – and you can switch things up by reversing roles – let her play the smutty nurse and you can be the patient who needs an oral exam. Either way, trust me – it will gets your hearts racing, the juices flowing, and you may just need an EKG machine.

Dominator/dominee
When I meet up with my girlfriends and we talk sex, the most commonly shared fantasy amongst them seems to be the dominator/dominee role-playing game. Women like to be both controlled as well as controlling, so this is a great activity because you can take turns. Couples can benefit most from this game if they’ve established a good level of trust – maybe that involved creating certain limits beforehand or having something like a “safe word.” Either way, once there’s mutual understanding, this game can be a lot of fun.

Maybe you want her to perform oral sex on you while you hold her head, you could blindfold her or you could tie her hands to the headboard. And remember: all of these things can be done to you too. Take turns telling each other exactly what it is you want, whether it be for her to touch herself, touch you, or more. Try taking the reins one night and then letting her be in the driver’s seat the next time around.

Hugs,

Gabrielle Moore

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I’m definitely a take-charge woman, but every once and a while, it’s nice to relinquish control and let the man take over. When he’s on top not only is the view fantastic but it’s also a great way to experiment with some fun “he’s-on-top” positions. With the proper configuration, you can align yourselves so you and your spouse can experience maximum pleasure.

Even though you’re on top, the motions and rhythm will still take some effort on both of your parts, so don’t think that this is about making you do all the hard work. With the following positions, you’ll be able to manoeuvre and create tantalizing sensations between the sheets.

Missionary
Missionary may be one of the oldest positions in the book – and its stay-power is because of its effectiveness. Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Missionary is super enjoyable because, at that angle, not only are you penetrating us but the motion also allows for your manhood to rub against our clitoris, creating a double-sensation. Feel free to keep her on her toes by varying your speed of entry.

Now I’m not saying I’d want to do it missionary-style every night of my life, but this move should definitely be in every guy’s arsenal.

Knees to chest missionary
This position takes a tad more dexterity on her part, but the manipulation is worth it! Get into the standard missionary position but have her pull her knees down so they’re against her chest (she can even rest her feet on your shoulders, if she’s flexible enough). If you need to, use a pillow under her bottom to help elevate her. This position is all about deep penetration not to mention the benefits of the missionary pose, adding even more toe-curling excitement to a sex session.

Sideways missionary
Anytime you turn your bodies so that you’re not exactly forward or backward, you create new opportunities to find orgasm-inducing positions. So try this: have your wife lie down on her side and prop one leg up on your shoulder while you’re on your knees, ready to penetrate her (a sideways missionary). It’s a fairly easy position to experiment with and is a great way to get you both fired up.

Downward dog
This is a “flater” version of doggy style, if you will, and involves your wife lying down flat on your stomach while you mount her from behind. The angle is incredible for G-spot stimulation – you’ll have her begging for more.

I’m a huge fan of doggy style, as the position is somewhat naughty and always pleasurable. While you move in and out of her, go slowly at first and then pick up the speed. Be sure to kiss her neck or run your hands down her spine while you do the deed.

Criss-cross
This unique configuration is often overlooked – and shouldn’t be. Have your partner lie down on her back while you lay alongside her – get her to bend her knees and rest both of her feet on your hips while you penetrate her. The tilted angle will create new sensations for both of you – she’ll love the rubbing and the fact you’re hitting a new spot inside of her, while you’ll love the new taught sensations.

Smootch!

Gabrielle Moore

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It’s one of the biggest complaints I hear from guys who are in long-term relationships: “I miss blow jobs.” Giving a guy a BJ is something we do to sexually impress a man, but there are a lot of girls who don’t really like doing this oral deed – they’re uncomfortable having something in their mouth, they’re scared of being “surprised” by an unexpected (and unannounced) mouthful of you-know-what, they’re self-conscious of their skills, or it’s just been too long since they did it and they’ve lost interest. There are plenty of reasons as to why your partner may dismiss oral sex altogether. But there are ways to reignite that oral fixation…

If you want to get her to give you oral sex, heed my advice below.

Ease her into it
If your wife hasn’t suckled on your manhood in some time, don’t think you can get her interested in BJs again but stuffing your over-sized member into her mouth… you need to take baby steps. Begin by asking her to kiss or gently blow on your penis. Then maybe she’ll be comfortable enough to move onto a little suckling of the tip. Let her work her way up gradually to full-on mouth-on-peen contact.

Keep it clean
Nothing is more of a turn-off than an overgrown, stinky mess, so keep everything neat, tidy, and clean. Be sure to trim back the pubes as well as wash with water and soap thoroughly before asking her to go down on you. You’d appreciate the same etiquette, wouldn’t you?

I hooked up with a guy once who had obviously not manscaped in years… let’s just say he missed out on some of the most incredible blow-job skills he’d ever been lucky enough to come close to!

Return the favor
You can’t expect your spouse to give you oral sex if you’re not willing to return the favor. Engage her in a little mouth-on-nether-region action, make her toes curl, and make her want to pleasure you right back. Nothing is sexier than seesawing back and forth orally or, better yet, exploring some 69 excitement. Hey, you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours (literally)…

No surprises please
As I already mentioned, we ladies hate when you cum in our mouths without any forewarning. Don’t pretend you didn’t see it coming – that’s the oldest (and lamest) excuse in the book. If you want oral sex to be an ongoing component of your sex life, then you have to be courteous – please tell us when you’re about to blow so we can decide whether or not we want to take the impact or not.

Add some flavor
Sometimes women are squeamish about giving blow jobs because they just can’t get past the fact that they’re sucking on a penis. So, disguise it with some flavored oils or creams – cover your member with some sweet cherry lube or warm chocolate to make it all the more appetizing for your other half.

Always yours,

Gabrielle Moore

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Nothing is a bigger turn-off than a guy who goes straight for the goods – that is, they’re all over the breasts and nether regions. While these are undoubtedly our tried-and-true hotspots, every woman has a few more erogenous zones up her sleeve. For many of us, a little neck kissing and sucking can give us shivers down our entire bodies, and for others, it be the gentle bite of an earlobe that sends out shock waves. The same goes for you – I once ran my tongue ever-so-slowly down the nape of a guy’s neck and he actually lost his load (but luckily for me, and him, it was a triple-header evening).

I’ve been with enough men – and women – (and explored the terrain myself) to know a few secret erogenous zones that, when titillated, immediately makes my toes curl! And it only seemed right to share these with my fellow boys, so here it goes…

Scalp
Kinkier guys and gals love a little hair tugging – some because they like the pain involved in it, but there’s also something to be said about stimulating the scalp. I love making out with a guy and having him run his hands through my hair along my scalp. It send shivers down my spine almost instantly. A good scalp rub is also a major turn-on, so don’t be afraid to get right in there and mess up her hair.

Palms of hands
I was fooling around with a guy once and he kissed the inside of my hands verrrry slowly. I couldn’t get my panties off quickly enough! A man had never given attention to the palms of my hands, and I don’t know if it was the fact that he was thorough enough to find this hidden gem or the sensations that he created that got me more excited, but either way I can tell you, I haven’t forgotten him since (Jonathan).

Wrists
After a night of drinks I wound up in the jeep of this stud I met at a bar and he kissed my wrists – his warm breath on my skin created an instant spark (that burned till sunrise, if I can recall).

Touching this area of my body is only arousing when it’s done tenderly – while being tied up is another exciting form of sex play better kept for another article, the mode you choose to restrain a woman is also a big part of the equation. Cold handcuffs are raw and sexy in their own right, but a pair of (strong) fuzzy cuffs is a wonderful feeling.

Shoulders
You go for the lips, the neck, the breasts, and skip right over the shoulders. Stop neglecting this highly sensitive zone – rub our shoulders, kiss them, even suckle them if you feel so inclined. This may not do it for every woman but it certainly revs me up.

Tops of feet
I’ve always stressed how over-the-moon satisfying foot play can be, and yet so many couples are reluctant to experiment with the tootsies. If you’re not ready to suck on her toes or lick the pads of her feet, ease yourself in by kissing the tops of her feet. The foot has countless nerve endings that can be extremely arousing, so break out of that comfort zone and try hitting this unexpected target.

See ya tomorrow!

Gabrielle Moore

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