Do you need therapy?

You may find this question a little “unusual”: do you need therapy?

Well, believe it or not, we all do!

But not just any kind of therapy… Would you be interested in “sexual therapy”? Sounds hot? :)

You will be surprised with the latest facts about this REVOLUTIONARY kind of therapy… I loved this article!

Enjoy it! ;)

Your Friend,

Sex Therapy

In today’s prevailing culture, there is a myth that sex is the most incredible experience for the vast majority of people and that is why sex with anyone, anywhere at any time is always going to be a blissful, orgasmic experience. This myth is continually being sold to us, particularly in the cinema where sex is portrayed as an earth-shattering experience even when the two people having intercourse have only met a few minutes previously. The physical aspect of sex is all that is being portrayed in many of these encounters. The reality of the complex emotional and psychological processes that cause or dampen desire and orgasm are never referred to.

Problems in Sexual Relationships

Much work has been done studying the reasons why many men and women have very unsatisfying sexual relationships. In the 1950s Masters and Johnson carried out many scientific and clinical studies of what causes desire in human beings. Masters and Johnson showed beyond doubt that sexual responses are as susceptible to conditioning as other animal or human behaviors. Sexual functioning in animals and humans is particularly easy to disrupt with punishing external stimuli, and so is especially vulnerable to learned inhibition or distortion.

In the 1970s therapists refined this view of sexual response, based on arousal and orgasm dysfunctions, to consider lack of desire as being a major factor when treating many sexual disorders. Shere Hite (1998) in The Hite Report on Female Sexuality, reported her ground-breaking research into male and female sexuality, based on thousands of detailed questionnaires completed by people in the US. Hite found that many women felt sex was not enjoyable because men usually spent so little time at foreplay and seemed not to understand a woman’s need to be fully aroused before intercourse. Many men admitted that early stereotyping of how a real man must perform during sex contributed to much frustration and lack of pleasure in sexual relationships. The feeling that one is emotionally loved and cared about by a partner is also a prerequisite for most people to have a close and fulfilling sexual relationship.

Most people at some time or other feel a lack of satisfaction with or a lack of desire for sex. Our moods, emotions, levels of tiredness and anxiety, and hormone levels may cause this to happen periodically. It is also very difficult for a person who has been conditioned for years to believe that sex is ‘bad’ or who believes that her body is unacceptable to suddenly feel completely at home expressing her emotions through her sexuality. Sex is the most natural activity in the world, yet because we have been brought up in a very unnatural environment we must accept that problems can frequently occur. Also people may feel under pressure to match cinema standards of sexual performance, believing that ‘everyone else has a great time so what’s wrong with me’. Many people feel fear, shame, embarrassment, and personal inadequacy when suffering from problems to do with this most personal area of their lives. Due to this fact, the number of people who actually present themselves for treatment is estimated to be vastly lower that the actual incidence of sexual problems.

For those who are continually finding difficulty enjoying the sexual side of a relationship, and especially for those who end up dreading the sexual act but who still want to be sexually active, there are several therapies available to help overcome these problems. The most common sexual difficulties for men are impotence or erectile dysfunction, ejaculatory incompetence or male orgastic dysfunction, and premature ejaculation. For women the most common problems experienced are frigidity or arousal dysfunction, female orgastic dysfunction, and vaginismus or involuntary spasm of the vagina. Lack of desire may occur in both sexes. It has been estimated that about ten per cent of all women never experience an orgasm of any kind.

Psychotherapy and Couples Therapy as Part of Sex Therapy

Specialist therapists offer sex therapy to help couples overcome sexual problems they may be experiencing. For sex therapy to be successful, both partners must commit themselves to attend sessions, to do homework and to try out new techniques for at least an agreed initial period. Individual psychotherapy can be vital to help a person discuss fears, negative conditioning or past traumatic experiences which may be inhibiting desire, arousal or the ability to let go and give oneself permission to have an orgasm. By seeing each person separately the therapist may be able to help clients to talk more openly about their feelings and experiences within the relationship. Their desires and fantasies are also explored. Several sessions with each partner will help the therapist to access the causes of the presenting sexual problems.

Arousal problems are often due to a lack of foreplay or knowledge about what really excites a partner. In couples therapy communication must be opened between partners as to their sexual preferences as this is an important way to help them develop a better understanding of their individual needs. It must be stressed that both people’s needs are equally important. Also unless the two people involved really care about each other and want to be together then sexual desire and enjoyment may never really be achieved.

Therapies to Overcome Sexual Problems

Sexual therapy consists of several stages and the couple are encouraged to practise each stage in the privacy of their own homes. Firstly they are requested to massage and caress each other in turn. Then they are asked to kiss and to cuddle, to touch each part of the other’s body including the genitals. The next stage is stimulation of the genitals, and of the breasts in women. Self-stimulation may be a helpful learning and sharing process for both partners, followed by then manual masturbation by each partner. If a woman cannot obtain an orgasm using these methods then a finger-tip vibrator can be used. When both people feel comfortable and fully aroused, intercourse can be tried. Problems occurring at each stage are discussed at the weekly meetings, such as areas of the body that a partner particularly does not like to be touched. Sexual therapy at its most successful leads to a greater deal of open and caring communication, both emotional and physical, between both partners.

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About the Author

Extract from ‘Women and Healing’ by Lucy Costigan, published by iUniverse in 2006 – http://www.womenandhealing.com/woman/

Lucy Costigan’s career has been quite eclectic. She has worked as a magazine editor with Wexford Life, a technical writer, an analyst-programmer, a counsellor, and a programmes’ facilitator. Lucy holds Masters Degrees in Equality Studies (UCD, Ireland), and in Research (NCI, Ireland). From an early age Lucy has been on a quest to discover the ultimate meaning of life.

Lucy’s books have been reviewed on RTE (Ireland’s National Television and Radio stations), on BBC radio, and in various international publications. RTE’s popular Sunday Show dedicated a full-length program to her book Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace (Columba Press, 1998).

Lucy’s books include: Irish Guide to Complementary and Alternative Therapies (Wolfhound Press) Bullying and Harassment in the Workplace (Columba Press) Winter Solstice: A Novel (iUniverse) Social Awareness in Counselling (iUniverse) What is the Meaning of Your Life (iUniverse) Course in Consciousness (iUniverse) Women and Healing (iUniverse), The Transformation of Yvette (iUniverse).

Lucy lives in her native town of Wexford, Ireland.

3 Responses to “Do you need therapy?”

  1. Dear Garbella

    I was giving oral sex to my boyfriend who;s never had one before and as he ejected i got so xcited that i sucked on his head and he was in so much pain.. Was that the reason ?

  2. You know, for me communication and trust are two important ingedients , and after thirty five years of marriage one would think we would have acheived them , but I guess the pressure of everyday life seemed to have erouded some of that away and perhaps I’m just looking for a quick fix.Instead of experiencing all the sexuall and emotional experiences from my wife , I choose to get what I can ,from who I can. Todate however, the physical aspect of the sexulall relationship has alwas been whith my wife , while the emotional part has been with othe woman. I am fighting with my inerself to not cross the line whith the physical sex for fear of not going back and naturally all the other consiqenses. Perhaps therapy is a good option to explore. Thanks for now. Have a nice day.

  3. i personly feel bad if i don’t give my wife an orgasm. foreplay is great,we both love it.

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