Sex and Communication Secrets…
In my line of work, I hear people complain a great deal about their sex lives. Men, like yourself, come to me and ask how they can improve their performance in the bedroom. And I always ask the same question: How is your communication?
Now I’m not asking about whether or not she’s calling out your name while you’re on top of her. What I mean is how is your communication outside the bedroom! Most of the time, I get blank looks and guys saying that they don’t understand what one has to do with the other.
And, you see, that’s the real key to the problem. As a woman, I understand how important communication is not just to the health of the relationship in general but also in how easy it is for us to “get off” in the bedroom. Sure, women can enjoy a quick romp with a stranger just like a guy can, but when we’re looking for more than a cheap thrill we need to feel a deeper connection with our partners and that’s only created through communication.
You probably won’t be surprised by this news but your lover and you don’t communicate in the same way. Different things are important to both of you and there’s nothing wrong with that, but you’ve got to know how to get beyond those differences and bridge that communication gap which is so common in relationships.
Let me give you a perfect example. Men don’t necessarily see the importance of looking at a person who is talking. In fact, if they’re with the guys, too much eye contact just feels a little uncomfortable. Women need that eye contact as a non-verbal signal that you are paying attention to what she has to say and that you feel she is important. It’s not whether or not you are paying attention to her; it’s really about making her feel like she’s your number one priority.
When women don’t feel important, they don’t feel as open and that’s bad in the bedroom. To really get to the heights of pleasure, you both need to be open to each other and feel good about your relationship. Otherwise, it’s just not going to happen.
Actually, another example of a communication problem is how one partner suggests sex. Guys are pretty forward. If they’re in the mood for love, then they just come right out and ask or start making pretty obvious overtures. That’s a real turn off for women sometimes, plus women can’t flip their arousal switch on nearly as fast as a man can. So while she may be pretty turned on a little later, being asked for sex isn’t going to make that happen. Instead, you need to take the initiative and start working up to the sex with some playful touching, a little kissing, and more fondling. When done correctly, Guys, you won’t even have to ask the question: she’ll be leading YOU into the bedroom instead of vice versa.
Communication is also a sign of closeness to a woman. The more she opens up to you the closer she feels with you. As a result, she expects you to be more forthcoming as your relationship progresses. When that doesn’t happen, she’s going to doubt your closeness and that’s going to put a real damper on your fun in the bedroom. She’s going to be a lot less tense, more open-minded, and more eager to experiment and to kick things up a notch in the passion department if she thinks the two of you have a deeper bond. That means just by going outside your comfort zone and sharing some intimate things with her – intimate emotionally, not physically – you’ll be open up the door for better sex in the bedroom.
Furthermore, open and honest communication about friends, work, interests, and feelings can eventually become steamy talk about each other’s fantasies and what you both love to feel in the bedroom. These are things we don’t just discuss with everyone so you’ve got to reach a certain level of communication before she begins revealing how she’s always wanted to have sex with her science teacher on one of the classroom desks (or maybe that’s just me).
The bottom line is that if you want to really get your woman turned on to you in the bedroom you’ve got to be more aware of her communication needs outside the bedroom. Then you can expect some real fun under the sheets.
John A.
Says:
Is it possible that the females g-spot can move around? The woman that I am involved with I can’t seem to find exactly where it is. I’ve looked where all the books tell me to look, and it states that the female must also be aroused for you to find it. Then once the female is aroused its located two inches inside the virgina behind the pubic hair going towards the belly button shaped like a quarter with bumps. please give me more advise in finding it. Also how can I get my woman to ejaculate? What do we need to do to accomplish this goal?
Pavel
Says:
I have a big problem communicating with women when I am trying to introduce myself, to interest her in getting to know me better. I will say a few personal things about myself that I do not tell everyone; then when I am finished, she will say I have not told her anything about myself. I stand there mystified, aghast, and the conversation is over. What did she want to know?
Brad
Says:
thanks sounds good
Shane Borgeson
Says:
For some strange reason, being sooo new to the computer, I just don’t beat around the bush like most men on the screen searching for love. As for the communication part, put in a position of being an outcast has really put a damper on my communication skills, but like starting over, a better result may flourish from it all.
I hope anyways. If you only knew what measures I’ve taken to get my life back on track. You would probably say, wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
robertson
Says:
this advice coming from a woman is of great help to us guys .keep it up gab
Terry Gerhart
Says:
Thankyou very much for this I am learning and benefiting alot from you.I will defffinately reccomend your F.O.Article to my mates.This is fantastic what imformaton you are send ing out.I wish my partner was as knowlodgeable and open as you are with these issues.You have won me.Just one thing though I paid for Different sex positions but could not down load it.Keep up the good work Terry
Ellen
Says:
I can so agree, my man and I have pretty pore communication and an even worse sex life (we dont have sex, he only recently did something to please me)… The point is we fight a lot, I’ll admit to starting the fights (like I have with this recent one) but i’ll get to that in a moment. What Gab is saying is communication is the key, while-ever you resent the other person, or are feeling any other emotion except love and care for that person you need to start expressing this. Now back to me and my boyfriend’s fights… we have been going out for 10 months soon to be 11 months on the 4th and a year on the 15th of September, his only once pleased me and that got interrupted, since that he was over-possesive and talking about “if we had children they would have… *insert colour here* eyes”… his acting like we are married not like we are in highschool, not like this relationship is going downhill, that’s the problem though he sees nothing wrong with it or if he does he wont tell me truthfully, and yet I’m starting to wonder why the hell did I ask him out in the first place… His humour has gone dry, his pleasuring is barely there and if it is… it’s only teasing (yes I understand the benefits of foreplay but when the only thing i get is foreplay it doesnt seem like it…) I resent him for that, I resent the way he either is too close and I have no space, no air to breathe, but then I have him practically giving me the cold shoulder, we go from one-extreme to the other, and I’m starting to worry that we won’t last much longer if we don’t do anything about it, I’ve tried talking about my feelings but all I get is him shutting off from me and saying, “It’s fine” which causes more annoyance in me, I simply do not know what to do, he is being more annoying then before and I understand that the stress we are both under from exams isn’t helping our already stretched to breaking point relationship, can you help us Gabrielle????? Ellen a huge-fan of yours.
P.S. I’m bisexual and have been coping with a sexual abusive past and coping with bullying issues close to home.
Mpho
Says:
Thanks for the literature and i hope by implementing the cotents practical the bedroom performance will be a joy and blessing to my wife.
Amanda
Says:
This is SOOOOOOoooOooooO true men! Especially the seventh paragragh. I find that the guys really want me to open up to them, I have had quite the different experiences with men, some I dont care wtf, is on their minds let alone my own, so when its that circumstance just shut up and lets enjoy the moment and see what comes out of it. and if its with a guy I wanna be closer with yes I need to hear more about u, especially if you want to hear personal things about myself, cuz if I dont here anything about you then I think you are trying to hide too much or its just not worth it and I yearn then for someone to take me to a higher level of pleasure with no insecurities…key words here! and then every body wins…and Gabriel I totally agree with you on the science teacher fantasy! except mine was with my math teacher and I was on a desk and he was whispering equations with my feet wrapped around his neck!…MmMMMmmmm thats hot!
CHRIS
Says:
thanks for valuablle thoughts.
Ivan
Says:
Hey Gabrielle! You soak up so much game and I learn a whole lot from you. Communication is so important in every relationship trust dat.