Foreplay is perhaps one of the most commonly neglected phases in making love. And there are many misconceptions about it too! Some think that foreplay is just those few minutes before progressing into the ‘actual act’ of sexual intercourse. You know, kissing and petting before taking off one’s clothes. I am telling you right now; nothing can be further from the truth.

Foreplay is all about ‘building up the passion’. As such, it can be a whole day affair!

Many couples ask me this question time and time again, “Why don’t we have sex as much as we used to when we were first together?”, “Why does it seem that the passion has all but gone from our relationship?” The answer to this dear readers is that you have probably not been giving foreplay the attention it deserves.

Think about it. When you and your partner first got together, you didn’t just make love right? Go back to those first few days and moments. I bet there was a lot of kissing (perhaps even hidden kisses), handholding, caressing, petting, smoldering looks across the room… in short, there was a lot of FOREPLAY.

You and your partner need to bring foreplay back into your relationship. And by this I don’t mean demanding that you guys have long French kisses before commencing the sexual act. Of course, French kisses are highly-erotic demanding it is one sure-fire way to snuff the passion out of it.

You need to be subtle in bringing foreplay back into your relationship so that your partner welcomes its return as well and not be turned off or even ‘scared’ by it.

Foreplay Tips to Heat Up Your Relationship

Firstly, find a quiet place. Put on some relaxing music, light up some scented candles and lie down or sit up and start remembering those first few days of your relationship when everything was exciting and hot. Start making notes.  

Ask yourself things like where you guys met, when and where was the first time you guys kissed, where you used to hang out, what clothes does he/she find sexiest on you and vice versa, what movie made you guys so horny you had to run back to your apartment… and so on. In short, re-capture those moments so you can re-live them today.

Now, this does not mean you should limit your foreplay repertoire to the answers you have to these questions. They merely serve as a ‘starting point’ to your new sexually charged relationship.

Secondly, remembering the ‘good stuff’ is great; now you need to act on it. Now how you bring foreplay back into your relationship depends on your and your partners personal characteristics. In my experience, there are two kinds of partners (couples).

One type is the partner who actually finds it ‘corny’ if you start discussing ‘foreplay this Saturday night’. The other type is the one that welcomes it with open arms! So I suggest you take a close look at how your partner will react to this and plan accordingly.

Let me give you a real-life example here (names changed for privacy).

Jodie desperately wanted to bring foreplay back into their relationship but each time she discusses it with her partner, he rebukes it and asks “Ok, what Cosmo quiz did you take today?” or “Is that what you learned from Oprah today?”

By the time, Jodie discussed this with me, she was already convinced her husband hated foreplay and simply wanted ‘the usual 20-minute hump’.

I told Jodie to stop talking and asking and simply get started with ‘setting the mood’! I told Jodie to ‘accidentally’ leave a Kama Sutra-type book lying around the bed so that her partner was sure to see it when he wakes up in the morning. She should then ‘accidentally’ leave the door open as she was showering or ‘accidentally’ let her robe fall, etc… and then if he wants it, don’t give it! BE UNREACHABLE. Wait till nighttime when you have more of these ‘accidental’ stuff happening. I’m telling you my friends, Jodie called me IMMEDIATELY the following day (she woke me up actually) thanking me for sharing all those ‘powerful stuff’ with her. 

Foreplay is something you don’t rush. It needs its own time. By the same token, you shouldn’t rush its return to your relationship either. Think about it; plan it out; then you’ll be rewarded…

Next time, I’ll talk about how you can set up a day of foreplay and a night of passion like your partner has never experienced before. Till then!

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